Posts tagged “absurdity”

Quotable – Mitch Zeller

I’m convinced that there’s very little we can do on the toxicant side. But imagine a world, however many decades from now, in which the cigarette remains as deadly and toxic as it is today, but it’s not addictive because there’s no nicotine in it.Mitch Zeller
Former Director, FDA Office of Tobacco Programs

Uh, w00t? I guess?


U.S. Air Force adopts Nazi slogan

U.S. Air Force - Über Alles

U.S. Air Force - Über Alles

Yeah, I know. It’s not bad enough that they are issuing DMCA takedown notices to YouTube, but now, they are adopting direct translations of Nazi propaganda slogans. I find this completely idiotic, but rather than ranting about it, I took the time to ask a German about this. She happens to be a PR professional and wanted me to stress her concern that

[One] wouldn’t know that I actually like the U.S. and would even consider moving there. That way when I say that the U.S. seems to act like an imperialistic power and that the country appears to be a little too full of itself, I don’t mean it like an America hater would, but more like a good friend who dares to tell you that things are not going well.

Here are her thoughts, with her name changed to protect the innocent:

Wow, that is indeed bold. When I watched that Air Force video I thought maybe they should also reintroduce the nazi greeting, it would go so well with the rest of it…
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Kansas’ reputation saved by woman with toilet seat growing into her ass

According to my sources on the east coast (also from Kansas), there have been a lot of questions about the woman from Ness City, Kan. that spent two years on her boyfriend’s toilet. These include that old Kansas favorite, “Do you know her?” Well, I’ll save you the six degrees of separation calculations: I don’t know her and no one I know knows her. But in a strange way, all Kansans owe her a debt of gratitude.

You see, until this story, the last big national buzz we Kansans received (outside the sports arena) was for some infamous educational policies. Now, the “toilet seat woman” has brought the spotlight back, thankfully distracting the befuddled masses with a different reason to wonder about Kansas. But in that same moment, she has also vanquished the foibles of our past indiscretions.

Maybe this is flawed logic, or hopeful science, but doesn’t a woman with a toilet seat growing into her ass personify evolution? Perhaps not in a way reminiscent of the noble majesty of Galapagos tortoises. No, this is more real. This is visceral. We can all imagine what it would be like to have a toilet seat grow out of our collective asses. This is the power of the Mainstream Media. This, finally, will end the great evolution battle that still rages in dark corners of this great state. Thank you, Pam Babcock! Ad astra per aspera, indeed!

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