According to my sources on the east coast (also from Kansas), there have been a lot of questions about the woman from Ness City, Kan. that spent two years on her boyfriend’s toilet. These include that old Kansas favorite, “Do you know her?” Well, I’ll save you the six degrees of separation calculations: I don’t know her and no one I know knows her. But in a strange way, all Kansans owe her a debt of gratitude.

You see, until this story, the last big national buzz we Kansans received (outside the sports arena) was for some infamous educational policies. Now, the “toilet seat woman” has brought the spotlight back, thankfully distracting the befuddled masses with a different reason to wonder about Kansas. But in that same moment, she has also vanquished the foibles of our past indiscretions.

Maybe this is flawed logic, or hopeful science, but doesn’t a woman with a toilet seat growing into her ass personify evolution? Perhaps not in a way reminiscent of the noble majesty of Galapagos tortoises. No, this is more real. This is visceral. We can all imagine what it would be like to have a toilet seat grow out of our collective asses. This is the power of the Mainstream Media. This, finally, will end the great evolution battle that still rages in dark corners of this great state. Thank you, Pam Babcock! Ad astra per aspera, indeed!

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